The Anatomy
of Conflict
Chassity Beals
COM325:
Communication and Conflict
Nancy Miller
April 10, 2011
The Anatomy of
Conflict
When someone says "conflict,"
it brings to mind an image of arguments, war, or some type of social violence.
Conflict, however, can be constructive and lead to a stronger sense of
understanding between individuals and groups. Even though violence and emotional
outbursts are the typical images associated with conflict, this paper will
break down a situation that is neither violent nor were emotional outbursts
present and show how the conflict led to a greater understanding between both
parties involved.
My husband and I own a business
together. Conflict is natural in business as in a marriage, so we experience
two levels of conflict in one setting. My husband and I must work together on
these issues and resolve conflict positively. Conflict is not just natural; it
is necessary in relationships for several reasons. It helps address problems,
promotes participation and helps people learn to recognize and appreciate
differences (McNamara, 2011).
After
I began working full-time at our comic book store, I started to notice that our
customers were not noticing that we had three total rooms of product and I
mentioned this to my husband. My husband and I are busy aside from being
business owners. We have a five-year old son, he works a full time job as a
developmental technician, and I attend college and manage our home. These
things all affect the spare time we have and the amount of time we have to
devote to things like rearranging the shop. This limited amount of time is
considered stage one of our conflict, as this time restriction affects much of
what we are able to do and leads to our stress and frustration at not being
able to do it all, all the time. This is the variable that is usually the first
"domino" as mentioned in the textbook as being the first one to fall
and initiate conflict (Abigail & Cahn, 2011).
I
asked my husband about rearranging our store, mentioning that I did not think
customers were noticing our other rooms because our layout was drawing them
away from the entrance to the other two rooms. His response was "Chass, we
don't have enough time right now, with everything else, to worry about
this." I disagreed, pointing out that if we could not sell the items in
our store that would be more to worry about than spending a day or two rearranging.
This was stage two, the triggering event, in our conflict (Abigail & Cahn,
2011). This was the beginning of the issue. I am prone to press issues and he
is prone to respond negatively to this pressing.
Stage
three of our conflict occurred the next day, when I mentioned rearranging the
store again. Again, I do tend to press issues, but I felt this one was
important to the number of sales in our store and having customers notice our
entire product would increase our likelihood of more sales. I said to my husband,
again, that I felt we needed to move things around. And again, a little more
insistent, he said he did not have the time, or the desire to rearrange. In
this stage, the conflict was overt as we were having an open disagreement over
this issue (Abigail & Cahn, 2011).
I
decided to make my case. Sometimes, my husband is a person that has to
"see it to believe it." I took notes for about two weeks while I was
working in the store. I counted the customers that came in and the number of
those that did not go into the second or third rooms or those that asked if we
just had the one room. I also took pictures of our store, exactly as it is
viewed when entering and walking around and then I drew out my idea on paper,
illustrating the current floor plan and then my idea.
I
presented these to my husband at home and almost immediately, he disagreed,
again pointing to our lack of time and he did not want to have to close the
store down to rearrange as that would hurt sales more than the layout not being
exactly right. He also did not particularly care for my idea of making and
"island" in the middle of our first room. This, according to the
textbook, was stage four of our conflict, the differentiation phase (Abigail
& Cahn, 2011). We were using constructive strategies (my illustrations of
my idea and his honesty and openness in why he disagreed with me), and the
conflict was obvious (Abigail & Cahn, 2011).
It
took about two weeks more to reach stage five in our conflict, the resolution
phase (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). After our last discussion, I decided I would
not keep pressing. I had made my feelings known and he had made his known, but
I noticed he was carrying around the pictures I had taken and the illustrations
I had made. I knew he was considering my ideas.
About
two weeks after our last discussion, he said I had obviously put a lot of time
and effort into considering what would be best for the store and after thinking
about it more, he agreed with me. We did need to do something. He still did not
like the completely open plan I had drawn out because he felt not only would we
be surrounded by customers on busy days, but we would lose too much display
space. So, he offered me a drawing he had made, with many of the elements I had
used in my illustration, but with a slightly smaller "island" idea,
to keep as much display space as possible. Where I had considered surrounding
our entire front room with an admittedly complex layout of display cases we
would have to purchase, he found a way to use what we already had available in
a smaller, simpler way,still leaving plenty of room for other displays in the
front room.
It
took another two weeks of preparations and two long days of rearranging, but we
finished. Words can be tools or weapons and we are able to decide how we will
wield them (Mandel, 2011). When we allow ourselves to consider and appreciate
another's feelings and opinions, horizons are broadened and everyone wins the
conflict (Mandel, 2011). As I have illustrated in this scenario, conflict does
not have to be violent or detrimental to a relationship. It can be quite the
reverse and strengthen a relationship, just as it did with my husband and me.
Our store benefitted as well. We have received rave reviews from customers on
how our store looks now. My husband and I also came away from this conflict
with a sense of understanding for and pride in the other person, which was the
greatest outcome possible in this conflict.
References
Abigail, R &
Cahn, D. (2011). Managing conflict through communication 4/e. Boston:
Allyn & Bacon.
Mandel, D (2011).
How to have a constructive conflict. Retrieved April 8, 2011 from: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art29084.asp
McNamara, C.
(2011). Basics of conflict management. Retrieved April 8, 2011 from: http://managementhelp.org/intrpsnl/basics.htm
.
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